Dear carpenter(s) who made our porch: Let me count the ways I do not love you.
It is snowy – again – today and it is not helping me be lenient. I want to start fixing things and the weather is hindering me. Some of the things I have to fix, are because of you dear carpenter.
You never measured – anything. As a result, you installed too short posts and too long balusters. That however is the least of what you failed to do properly. Please see enclosed list:
1. You installed in-ground supports but because you do-not-measure, they are too far for the roof supporting posts. Yet, you went ahead and installed the support posts (!) on…nothing.
2. With pocket holes we can screw the screws all the way in. They were known since at least ancient Egypt – how come you never heard about them?
3. Generally speaking, we use screws and nails to attach and hold two pieces together; not to make random holes on wood. And never, ever, leave them exposed.
4. Measure TWICE, cut once. Heck, measuring even once would have helped.
5. Cutting angles is intimidating. It’s not like we have a gazillion tools to help us do that; right? #irony
6. We should cover the screw holes with caulk. Always. We also caulk all the crevices so snow and rain does not rot our construction.
7. Do not create crevices 5 inches deep that are un-cleanable and get rotten because snow/rain/leaves love to go in there and call it home. What the heck where you thinking?
By the way:
Dear painter that painted our porch.
My sincere scientific congrats on discovering negative friction by painting our porch floor with…gloss paint. However, as a person who wants to walk (upright and safely) on said porch and not slide-fall-slidefaster when I try to enter my home, I do not appreciate your scientific discovery.
Do NOT paint exterior floors (decks, porches) with gloss paint. Ever. Especially in wet and snowy areas.
End of rant. We were aware of the issues thanks to our home inspector and they did not stop us from buying the house. Perhaps the carpenter(s) and the painter(s) did the best they could. It’s just that, like I wrote earlier, it snowed again today and that did not improve my mood.
Have you ever encountered laughable craftsmanship with your homes?
I bet you have so, do share!